Oh this new days!

I fear that my command of language is drowning in solitude. With not as many occasions to be spent socializing, I don't speak that much and in consequence, find myself stuttering and lost for words once I engage in that energy expending activity again. These days of relative silence have been quite serene and in fact, joyful for me. I've spent time with myself strolling around the campus, going for walks, reading, exploring nooks and crannies of the grounds in my own company- and enjoyed every bit of it. Quite surprising, really, since I thought that I would die of silence. Instead I seem to be indulging in it.....a little too much.

So the tipping point is about to approach. I begin to notice how I'm often alone; I begin to lose my literary skills; I begin to feel lonely and hyped up every time I talk to someone; I begin to feel infinitely annoyed at all that high pitched American accents piping up around me.

Oh I need to talk to people before the monster of solitude consumes me!

I've met some amazing people here already, so I better keep in contact with them so I don't get lost in my own tiny world.

Bliss

When did you feel most at peace, as if you were the king of the world and no spears could ever penetrate your skin? When you felt like there were no troubles in this world great enough to overcome you, when you felt invincible, and that anything was possible?

That moment of pure bliss when a compelling mix of adrenaline and serenity run its course through your every vein and a spontaneous smile breaks through those long down- turned lips of yours. The fatigued cells stretching their bodies, opening their eyes to a fresh stream of rejuvenating sunlight.

I rediscovered a lot of these moments lately.

That time when I sat on the Terengganu beach staring unto the dark turquoise sea underneath a blanket of stars.
That time when I lay my head on my mother's lap on a stool overlooking the vast blue sea.
That time when I sat in the car with surreal images passing me by in New Zealand.
That time when I walked back to class in the clear sunlight, birds chirping and cool breeze accompanying me.
That time when I walked home after the rain, the insects singing their victorious song, the air bursting with freshness and moisture.
That time when I walked through KL alone.
That time when I danced to jazz music at home.
Those times when I stared at beautiful cloud formations for ages and ages, unable to believe the sheer beauty of it.
Those times when I stared at the wonderful landscapes bathed in sunlight in amazement.
Those times when I walked through the hilly paths of FRIM alone, enjoying the trees, sunlight and air.
Those times when I star gazed with my brother.
That time when we stayed out all day trying to capture the eclipse of the sun.
That time when we sat on top of the mountain waiting for sun rise.
Those times when I walked through the entire length of every beach I went to, alone.
Those times when I drew for the entire day.
That time when we walked through Oslo in the snow, took the train to random places and continued to walk again, under the raining white snowflakes.
Every, every single moment in Bali and New Zealand.

That day, in Raleigh when we slept under a crude tent.
That day, in Raleigh when we went through so many tasks with perfect team work.
That day, in Raleigh when we trudged and climbed through rivers, mud, bushes.
That day,  in Raleigh when we bathed in the freezing river.
That day, in Raleigh when I cried as I reached the peak.
That day, in Raleigh when my team mates cheered me on, held onto me, pulled me up, waited for me.
That day, in Raleigh when we walked back under the stars, on a desolate road, talking, chatting about anything under the sun, with one person holding my hand and the other with arms over my shoulders.
That day, in Raleigh when we cooked and ate simple, unfilling food.
That day, in Raleigh when we built a raft and practically swam in the lake.
That day, in Raleigh when we laid on the road and gazed at the stars.
That day, in Raleigh when the wonderful smell of the jungle filled my nostrils once I stepped off the bus.







I felt, feel and will feel, infinite, forevermore.

What took you away from me?

Ecstasy!
Ecstasy leaped out from my every cell as the rain embraced my body.
Ah, the warm, lush, fresh smell of wet grass!
Swarm my senses and wipe away all traces of frustration!
" Thank you",
I grin in satisfaction and gratitude as I bid nature goodbye.

The thunder rumbled ahead and I returned to my shelter.

What took you away from me?

Stars, trees, hills, mountains, skies, clouds, rivers, rain, sand, rocks, mud, fish, air, freedom, solitude, authenticity.

Fear, distraction and illuminated boxes I suppose. A trip back to the roots of the world awakened the giant long asleep inside, making me tired by the superficiality of the world.

Sorry for the long detour! I hope this time I'll keep you in sight as I go trudge through life's winding paths.