Fear

Someone once told me that I was lucky, for having such a clear direction in life and for being courageous enough to pursue a non conventional dream.

Really?

I'm NOT sure at all about my future, I don't even know if it's going to work out, and more importantly, I don't think I have the talent to pull it off. No. The obstinate me just had to choose a path that she is not the best at. Interest triumphs talents for that obstinate girl, apparently. I see so many better qualified people then me out there, and I can see myself lost and stumped in their presence. Negative messages will begin to holler in my mind " I don't freaking know why am I here", " I suck", " let's give up".

But that obstinate self doesn't want to give up without trying. So I'll try, try to curb the negative monster, try to obtain self control and CURB that lethargic procrastinator in me. I'm terrified at the possibility that in the future I will regret this decision, terrified that I will be a failure, looked down and pitied at. AAAHHH.

That's no way to make decisions anyway. I shall not let that be a reality. Not saying that it won't, but I'll try not to let that happen.

Confidence, confidence.
Initiative, initiative.

Just freaking stop being lazy and start doing stuff!