What the?

I feel very shallow-minded now. What am I doing? I hate getting hooked to dramas! They dominate my thoughts. The only way to get rid of them is to constantly think about it then get bored. But the process can be quite torturing, since that a huge chunk of my time will be waste. Ah well. I like this show for its "reality", for its unconventional way of telling a story. The way it deals with much deeper issues about love, marriage, friendship and companionship is endearing. :)

Bait, hooked.

I'm addicted, obsessed. the best cure? Indulge in it, suffer from the consequences, then you'll never dare to do it again. It's my principle of living.

So I spent one whole day immersing in a hobby considered sinful to me, but ordinary to others. It's the culprit of time wastage, at least to me. When I'm hooked to it, I can't think of anything else. Except for reimagining every scene of the show, analyzing the motives behind every move and action of the characters, pondering upon other possible outcomes. Mind occupying.

There's this hanging bait just above the surface of the water, not too far for the fishes to notice but close enough for them to realize its presence. But it's an ambiguous image that they perceive, a bait, or a hook? They are caught in confusion down there. Who will flip to the surface to discover the truth? Those who dare to take chances, those who aren't afraid of getting hurt, those who can put their pride down, those who are courageous. What may be the outcome, the consequences will be accepted. The swaying bait over the surface serves as this ever present symbol of desire, calling out to them. Take me, take me, take me. So how about the fisher above water level? He must be having a great deal of fun, placing all the fishes heart at his hands, pulling their heart strings, creating suspense. Whoever gets hooked, he'll evaluate, then make a decision. No, he's not really interested over those nameless fishes swimming below the surface in which he can't even see. It's just a test, a tryout. Evil? You can't say that either, as of everything in reality, no one, nothing's truly evil, nothing's truly bad. There's always a reasonable truth behind everything. So maybe that fisher is yearning for something else that he can't get, or is too afraid to get. To compensate for that fear or inferiority, the pond becomes his outlet to shine and prove self- worth.

I'm allowing my self to experience all these useless thoughts. Giving yourself a free reign on your emotions can get risky at times. A waste of time, I'll perceive it as.

Lukewarm

What to do when you start uncovering undesirable parts of people of whom you like? Not in the physical context, of course, but rather in their personality. Flaws, which are present in everybody and most of the time, can be tolerated or ignored. But as life is, I tend to idealize the people I like. Those seemingly unacceptable parts of their personality will then be even obvious, blinding my eyes from all their other redeeming values. Another obstacle that I try to overcome everyday. One, of the many. Many, many. That's how friends grow apart, I guess. But even though I'm realizing more and more pieces of his/her that I dislike, I still can't distance myself from him/ her. Instead, there seems to be an invisible force that holds our ties strong together, stronger then ever. No, I'm not the only tie. Maybe that's where the problem lies. Insecurity, dominance, uncontrollability. I miss my old friends. This new crowd is entertaining, fun and interesting to be with but I've grown so accustomed to our old habits that right now, whatever I'm experiencing loses its glamour when compared to the past. It's as if something is missing, that all our camaraderie is empty and pointless. I miss how we love to save money, save time, and instead spend all our time sitting in noisy food courts chatting our day away. Conversation, it's the best medicine to troubles. We didn't crap much, we didn't play a fool, we don't have to roam about pointlessly. Or watch movies just for the sake of it. Talking, or rather as I coin it, emo talking. My ever favorite pastime. So maybe I will find a group of friends like that again. Before I reach my limits and go mad.

Again and again

What goes around comes around. Justin Timberlake, then Beyonce's song intrudes Justin's thus dominating it.
Then I can't remember any song except for Beyonce's.

Annoying. I don't like that song at all.

Again, but at least I tried? Then received the same outcome. Well technically speaking, it's the first time I did anything like this. Not to the limits yet, of course. Take one step at a time.

Not that it matters, since it all boils down to the same conclusion. Life's just different for people, some people get it easy but then find it a nuisance, some people hope so hard for it but still, fail.

Different experiences for different people? I keep meeting these "genre" along my life. Not to say I don't cherish them, but im yearning for something else?

What am I talking about?

Confused, state of mind

I always wander away when I'm suppose to be studying. It's history all over again, I can't even place my finger at the source of the problem. Who's my people?

huh.

Too little, near to none, then suddenly too much that I can't keep control of.

WHAT.

too many things.

remnants

I dislike being second best, but it's all that I seem to be of worth lately. Everybody seems to have a different perception of me. Not who I see myself as. Does this mean my ideal and real self differs a lot? hmm.

Should do a survey.