CEASE

All these tiny blips and trips. Obstructing my view, only serving to make me more self- absorbed then ever. When was the last time I thought about something else? Other than my own faults, my own desires, my own views, my own feelings, my own thoughts, my own business. I understand that these thoughts are uncontrollable and dominating, without sorting them out you can have no peace of mind to do anything else. But is it really worth it? Do you think that much thinking and worthless worrying will bring you anywhere? Yield any results?

No.

Sometimes I just feel like screaming my lungs out at some desolate place, or lie on a beach, listen to the soothing waves crashing at my feet, without anyone to disrupt me, except for those I feel utterly at home with. Watching movies takes my mind off things, but then I sink into the danger of thinking that I'm part of a movie, I'm the protagonist, and I'm lost. Requiem for a dream, why does it tempt me? Because the filiming techniques exactly portray how I'm feeling most of the time. Lost in my own world, walking through the crowds, unsure of what I am doing or how I am living. It's not healthy, this obsession with hypnotising( not literally, just stuff that make me lost in it) movies and music. Depression signs in, I get more lost then ever.

I'm human, I feel all that too. I always try to see what others don't, so what others see, I don't. Yes, I feel all those human emotions too, yes, my heart is darker then you can imagine. And yes, I care less then I appear to, yet I care more then I say I don't.

CEASE TO CARE, CEASE TO BOTHER.

Broaden your horizons, see more of the world, realise that you're so much better off then many out there. You only have your own menial problems to worry about, how about the others who actually have to worry about surviving? Maybe you need to experience the real, tough world out there.

Sometimes to solve a problem that you've been engrossed in for too long, you need to leave it aside, forget it for a while. Then probably by experiencing more your focus on the problem will be clearer, and the solution brighter.

Stop worrying, stop wasting your life, focus on your future.
I hope I can be who I want to be.