Jumble

There's this invisible circle around me that I would not people to intrude. It feels like an invasion of privacy and trust, especially if you come up to me and peek at my screen or ask me what am I doing on the computer.

There's this rage that will suddenly build inside me, for some reason.

Don't trust what I'm doing with the computer? Gah.

Privacy, please. I'm someone who prioritises her space quite a lot.

You know that confused and let-down mind when you search desperately for something, but can't seem to find it anywhere? That distant feeling of disappointment. 

I used to search for it inside books, but they don't give me what I want. They're too extreme.

Then I shifted my search to movies. Some are nearly there, but they still miss that little something, the element that they included to be accepted to the mainstream crowd. Too mainstream. They can't give me what I want. I'm plenty disappointed with these at first seemingly different, meaningful movies but in the end, they give the same thing, don't they? Isn't there some wicked sick film or book that'll tell me something queer, something different, something off the beaten path? 

I'm becoming part of the mould now. More and more of it. I'm beginning to get affected by those menial, useless emotions that I've made myself immune to in the past. Vulnerable, again! But I need to pull, that thread to push me back to reality when I wander too far into my own thoughts and vortex, lost to the world. I want worldly things, but I don't want to use worldly ways, or necessary methods to obtain it.

Short cut.

Dream on.

I have to rearrange my thoughts and emotions before talking to anybody.

Evil, depressing thoughts, leave me alone.

It's self destruction here. I'd rather be destroyed by someone else.

I'm fine, I'm fine. Ignore me Just had to let out some negative emotions.