Queer, queer feeling indeed.

After feeling so speechless for a long time, I was depending on today to be the lucky day where my thoughts will align and form words. It doesn't seem to be that way though. Everything is still jumbled up in the mess of my mind. There's one Chinese phrase that describes me perfectly, one that I haven't been able to translate into English appropriately.

少年不识愁滋味,为赋新词强说愁

I'm stuck. Probably habit has made me hinder from seeking help or advice from others, because that over- critical and sceptical mind of mind would most probably refuse to heed any of it, nor accept it. But the other more logical part of it will try to convince myself to accept it, put myself into someone else's shoe. The angel and devil then wages a war, sinking me deeper into confusion and this time, with severe frustration.

I know I'm incompetent, more then ever.

These days this thought keeps encircling my mind- we define the way we live. We define our lives and everything about it. Everyone has their own definitions for everything, and by chance we may come to find someone with similar definitions. Our definitions interact everyday, creating conflict, creating connections, creating confusion. Only tolerance and compassion serve as the mayonnaise that glues the world together.

Our fuel is that little bit of altruistic compassion, that little bit of selflessness.

Relationships are like so, aren't they? It would be impossible to find someone with whom you find every aspect pleasing. Most probably, the closer you get to the person, the more flaws you will begin to spot. They may repulse you, they may make you angry, but somehow, avoiding and running away doesn't solve anything, does it? Since that if you look around, you'll realise that every single person around you is as flawed as that person is. You've got no grounds to complain, because you're probably every bit as problematic as they are.

So we're all different and every bit as annoying to each other as we are to others. How do people get along in this world then? Tolerance? Empathy? Acceptance? Honesty? I'm not sure, I haven't figured that out yet. Should we let go of friendships that do not suit our preferences? Should it be a one-way decision?

I shouldn't be bothered about all these matters. But they're just fleeting thoughts that certain events trigger.

Maybe I AM that simple. Worrying over nothing.

Still, disappointment was unavoidable. You can't see further than that, can you?