Confusion

I need, a guide in my life. Should one choose interest over ability, or ability over interest? Or should one be lead by one's desires? I live, I see, and I yearn for a certain way of life that requires a certain level of sacrifice. Follow your dreams, but your dreams can be so many things. Choose one that means the most to you, but they can all mean so much to you in different ways that you just can't make a decision between them. To choose all, means sacrificing another aspect of your life. The leisure to just sit back and enjoy life, truly learn more about the world, socialising- these are the things that I neglect when I'm too focused on my aim. It happened in the past, but I don't want it to happen again. In the end, everyone was exhausted, drained, and plain in their intention to leave that mess. It may be just my assumptions, but that was certainly what I felt.

Somewhere around form five, I started realising that before that, all my schooling days were a waste, what was the purpose of me studying? Right then, I suddenly discovered my lack of knowledge and the horrible extent of my ignorance. It seemed to be too late though.

I still remember that year of tedious studying. Everyday was peace, all I did was focus on my aim and work hard for it. I still remember all those solitary walks that I had while returning to class. The cool breeze in my hair, the clear blue sky, birds chirping all about me, the distant rumble of laughter and teaching.

In the end, there was so much that I missed out. What is the life that I want in the future?
A truly college experience?
If I go hard for what I want, or need, I think I know what will be sacrificed.
But am I willing to let that go?

I really, really don't know what to choose now.