Again

The future is terrifying! It's like a half-lit road, and you're unsure of what to expect there, but you need to go through it to reach the other end. So you take the risk, but you're so wrapped in fear that your imagination runs wild, scares you, intimidates even the bravest of souls.

I feel detached often times.
Often times.

Conversation

Talking to them always makes me want to improve myself. Different people have different personalities, different crowds have different environments. Compared to empty talks or worthless craps, conversation with substance can promote thinking and introduce previously unknown knowledge unto one's mind. I'll admit,  I found it pretty interesting when we started with talking about personal stuff, only to realise that it was really hard to express those deeply embedded thoughts inside our hearts. After endless sighs and stuck expressions, it was actually quite relieving for the transition of conversation topics into more general subjects. I can talk about these stuff with no one else except for my family members, but I already know their stance as I've heard it for so many years. Thus it was refreshing to listen to a new viewpoint from my friends. How often can you find friends to talk about such serious subjects without being seen as being a solemn sourpuss or boring adult wannabe? Maybe that's why we can be so close, maybe that's why we can talk for hours and hours every time we meet. Let it be that our friendship is different from others, unique.

But sometimes I wonder if it is healthy. A relationship like ours, unable to share our innermost feelings. Or is there a lack thereof such intimate things to share? I'll admit I don't have much to say about that matter, except for some queer thoughts and analogy that I possess and feel to shy to share. Not that anyone would be interested. Or can understand, of course. But romance wise, ordinary day-to-day living wise stories, I suffer from a lack of it. How people can have so much to talk about, I can never understand. Although sometimes when they discussed economics( which, I admit, I suck) I keep quiet, but it doesn't mean I'm bored or uninterested. On the contrary, I'm intrigued. And humbled too, as I realised there's just too much in this world that I do not know. There's this vast pool of knowledge awaiting me to uncover.

Maybe our personality, or mine is obstructing us from sharing into a deeper, intimate level. I think time will solve that problem for us, and our current way of communicating suits me very much. I don't share well, I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve, I don't display myself on the surface. It'll probably take some time for those inner turbulence to be detectable, or for me to rummage them from those dusty ancient drawers. But that's just me.

Similarities draw us together.

I love us :)

Not that I detest other forms of communications, of course. In the process of learning to open myself up right now.

Did I mention I get confused easily? Ah. I don't want to fall for something that I know how the end product would be. Oh imagination, come back, come back.

Inspiring

想自由

曲：鄭楠　詞：姚若龍

每個人都缺乏什麼
我們才會瞬間就不快樂
單純很難　包袱很多
已經很勇敢　還是難過

許多事情都有選擇
只是往往事後我才懂得
情緒很煩　說話很衝
人和人的溝通　有時候沒有用

或許只有妳　懂得我
所以妳沒逃脫
一邊在淚流　一邊緊抱我
小聲地說　多麼愛我

只有妳　懂得我
就像被困住的野獸
在摩天大樓　渴求　自由

一路嗅著追著美夢
爬上屋頂意外跌得好重
不覺得痛　是覺得空
城市的幻影　有千百種

就算愛也會變冷的
可是現在抱的妳是暖的
我不曉得　我不捨得
為將來的難測　就放棄這一刻

Jump!

I only chose to watch this movie because it seem like a light hearted, funny movie that boasts superb dance moves. Not much expectation was held for it until Stephen Chau's name rolled in at the opening credits.

Oh.
This is a work of an accomplished producer and director.

Hope bar raises, then gets crushed quite horribly.

Halfway through the movie, I could already predict the ending, and I wasn't impressed by the dance scenes at all. Think of Step Up, think of take the lead, and these moves can only be an amateur's. Not much was being offered on screen, what with the cliche script and mediocre cinematography.

However, thanks to Stephen Chau's trademark style and joke, the movie was saved, and entered the safety zone. Together with the sort of movies you watch only once, just for the laugh and distraction.

The plot was fast- tracked, every event happening back to back but without placing much burden onto the viewer's mind.

But sometimes the simplest things remind you of the most important things. Though straightforward and naive, the message conveyed holds great meaning and influence unto our lives. Dreams. When was the last time I thought about it? Or even strived to achieve it? Just like how the girl wanted to become a dancer, which was near to impossible from the other's eyes, she persevered. Even though she was dead tired by the end of the day, she didn't give up. Even though she was ridiculed and looked down upon, she wanted to prove herself. These seem so surface, so innocent and stupid even when you hear about it yet when you really watch the movie, somehow beyond those sarcastic little laughs and comments you make, somewhere deep inside you feel some resonance.

It's time to move on!
Work harder

Time, my friend and foe

Sometimes I think that my living room clock will run away. Everyday, my pair of eyes will burn holes through them, either wishing those three tiny little arms of it will turn faster or halt all movement. Poor little thing, it must live in fear and insecurity all this time, without any privacy or leisure. It has to continue running at all costs, no matter the desire of its owner. Only its metallic heart can dictate its life, and end it when the charges stop flowing. 

In the past, time was my friend when it approached six o' clock in the evening. I would switch on the television and spend an hour watching my favourite cartoons. In just half an hour, time becomes my foe, especially when the hour approaches seven. 

Now, time is my foe when I have fun. As if it were in for revenge, the older I grow, the stronger those three little arms become and the faster they move. They probably smirk with delight whenever I waste my time and look at the clock in dismay after spending time watching movies when I should be studying. 

Suddenly, July is right at the corner. How fast time flies, I haven't gotten a grasp of it yet. Time is slipping through my fingers without me even realising that I had sand on my hand. That's how bad it is.

I feel as if I'm very far away from my dreams. My ambition. That sad excuse of a movie actually achieved something after all, with it's naive and innocent message of " follow your dreams! Believe in yourself and it shall come true!". When was the last time I properly thought about my future and took steps towards materialising it? I've been too caught up in life, with all those tiny little blips that temporarily blind me, trip me. I can already feel the oncoming regret when I want to apply for colleges only to realise that I have nothing impressing on my transcript, that I don't have enough experience, that I don't qualify for the course. Or worse, then I finish my studies, and realise that I don't suit what I studied. That my decision was incorrect.

Truth to say, the future fills my with fear sometimes. I get panicked, terrorised when I think about what I should be, what I should do that I'm not doing currently. That I should join more activities, gain more experience, read more books, be more concerned about world issues. I want to join an editorial board, I want to support an environmental cause, I want to think critically, I want to improve my communication skills. Instead of wasting my everyday this way, lounging around the living room all day surfing Facebook, watching movies, it's my life I'm losing. And yet whenever I get absorbed into my current life, all these seems insignificant to me. But once I'm alone, calm and begin to think. They flood onto me. 

What should I do about my future? It seems as if the barrier keeping me from moving forward, other then complacency and laziness is lack of confidence. I don't have the necessary skills, or the capability to ace in this field. What if I fail? What if I can't find a job? What if they won't accept me? What if I regret the decision I make now?

Aiesec, wwf, green foundation. I missed these chances, why?

Because I was too caught up in my current life.

I always complain that I don't have enough time, but truth to say a lot of it were lost in useless stuff. I can have more time, if I wanted to.

So, I feel like typing

Writing soothes one's mind, really. Or at least, it does to me. For some reason, transport vehicles have a sleep inducing effect on me. Whenever I'm on one, I always nod off unconsciously. One of the many reasons I can't figure out my way home, since that I fall asleep half way all the time. But I really enjoy the solitude of taking public transport alone, either by reading peacefully without anyone's interruption, or staring at the moving scenes outside the huge clear windows. Paul Theroux's travels intrigue me, especially by how he seems to have an implied meaning behind his every description and statement. To read it blindly word for word will only present you with paragraphs of pointless writings but if you think deeper into it, there's more then what you see. I love that about him. He makes a good reading material when you're on the road. Not too deep, not too heavy, and not cheesy at all.

I get confused at times. welllllllll.

When you begin to yearn

Is the start of torture. To learn to want, to desire, makes you desperate and greedy. Once you've gotten a tiny sip of it, you become greedy and can't help seeking for more, that whatever that you've once thought satisfiable becomes insufficient to please you any more.

Desire, then gradually lose it.

That feeling sucks.