So, what's the rush?

Sometimes I am in doubt about my aims and purpose in life. This never ending pursuit for improvement and self- discovery, for what use is it? Why am I in such a rush to constantly uncover flaws and correct them? Why must I be so unsatisfied with myself? Why? What about other people. Does everyone strive for change and self-improvement too? For what reason? To be accepted by peers? To get more friends? To resolve conflicts? To appease others? To gain success? But then who said success is required in life? Is self- satisfaction a criteria of success? Getting an accomplished career, does it define success? To carry the correct attitude, correct behaviour, is that success? Or is being popular, loved by everyone, accepted by majority, being first choice successful? Is that the reason for self- improvement? Or is it just to become a better person? Then again, why? Why do people want to become a better person? What IS a better person? From one's perspective, or from the majority's views? Should I become a better person so that people will love me more, or that I will feel better with myself? But then why should I want people to love me? So that I can feel useful, accepted? Why the need to identify and feel accepted? To fill the void in our hearts, yearning for companionship and acceptance? Or just so that others will not perceive me as a poor and pitiful girl with no friends? Then again, why care what others think? Peer pressure.

I should not force myself to be like others. I'm not outgoing, I'm not fun, I'm not humorous, I'm not easygoing. I'm just, me. The girl who loves to stay at home, read, watch movies, loves heart-to-heart and thought provoking talks, enjoys reverie, craps when confident, silent when not, lacks personality when with stronger people, dominating when the inner perfectionist kicks in, forever unsure of herself but puts on a facade that I'm a happy-go-lucky person, hard to get close to and forever, trying to overcome something.