Oh please.

I was thinking along the lines of writing something about my first semester in college, then felt lazy. Too many events and experiences to put down on pen, especially when you aren't feeling particularly patient. So that nostalgic post shall have to wait for one miraculous day when I'm feeling marvellously patient.

I'll just write however I'm feeling right now. SO.
How are you?
Feeling kiddish and immature for being in knots over some grade school internal conflicts.
Why so?
Because of life? Because I've never really faced such situations before? Because I've always been so easygoing, or pretend to be, at least, all my life.
So?
So, I seem to be getting a culture shock after being exposed to so many different types of people. I cherish and love them all but can't help feeling queer at times. I feel abnormal.
Isn't being special good?
Not always. Sometimes you can derive pleasure and satisfaction when you think yourself different and unique, very much a strong personality but then sometimes you feel vulnerable because of that. Then you can't help hoping to just be like others, fit into the mould instead of being that sore thumb, sticking out partially willingly and partially unconsciously.
Friendship has always been a topic that you can't grasp, hasn't it?
True. Such a simple concept but yet I always do not have a clear notion of it. Probably I'm not confident enough in all these relationships I form, or I value my personal time and space too much. For one, I know that I'm insecure and pretty selfish. Mine, mine, mine and wholly mine.
Why're you so hung up over these matters, anyway.
I always have been. Just been avoiding it in the past few years, burying my head in work, living happily in my own world, then when i got thrust into reality without my old guards around me, my feathers were ruffled. Now i'm getting used to it, although it haunts me again sometimes. That old little pit is just too comfortable.
You don't see what you have, do you.
No. If humans can see what they have, they won't be greedy anymore. There'll be no such word as greed or satisfaction.
You need someone to put you back to perspective.
Yeah. who.
You don't like commitments.
No, I don't. So I wonder if i ever get into a relationship, how will it work.
Who you think you are and who you are, differ?
As deep as the marianna trench.

I'm in love with english.
I'm falling out of love with secrets.

Can't we all be less complicated, more daring and open?