mygosh

Revelations can dawn on you like a hurricane in the time span of 24 hours so fast that you barely have time to digest anything. After a period of uninspired drag, it's refreshing to be rejuvenated by this new stream of ideas again! Not to mention new introspective conclusions of course, after feeling constipated mentally for some time. These solutions I've come to, I hope it'll work. All it took was some directing, some guidance, some hints, that all finally culminate in a change of perception and attitude. But we all know how volatile those two fellows are- they evaporate in a second. I don't expect this mindset to hold long; it'll probably disintegrate by the time the next obstacle surfaces. But I just hope it'll stay long enough for a period of blissful learning.

It's like a cycle. My life is like a cycle, or a graph with fixed patterns. There is the plateau when nothing happens, there is the dip when everything goes downhill, there is the peak when I feel tremendously inspired.

I know I'm a hypocrite, because I desire for that something but I'm too intimidated to pursue it. I'm terrified. So I duck back to the comfort zone. I'm afraid of challenges, stemming from incidents long long ago that will be too long to elaborate here, not to mention personal. Too many cringe worthy memories in my store. I broke out of that egg shell long ago, stepping into another one. It's maybe time to break through this one too.

The longer I think of it, the more I can't find a personal philosophy that encompasses all my principles in life. They either seem too broad, too minuscule or too stupid to be mentioned. The only thing I can figure out is the one word to describe me- contradictory.

My gosh, I am nothing special, you won't remember me but I'd like to just be myself. The wall flower, maybe. Or I'll just morph into the wall and observe humans and their queer ways.

I want to watch some mind blowing movie and then launch into some great discussion about it. :(

( all points are unconnected. This is random typing, random typing.)