Plan

I know, I know. All the signs are there, all the pieces are in place. He's arranged everything perfectly for me already, even offering me second chances where I failed.

But I'm still too confused and afraid to admit to His plan. I myself am not even steady, how so to help others? I admit I have the tendency to be self centered, to focus my view upon myself. I'm a horrible person, indeed. I have to admit I don't know what is love, what is care, what is ... never mind. Everything seems to be for a certain motive. At least, for me. I know who I am, and it's not a pretty sight at all.

Sometimes I get a glimpse of moving friendships, and they move me to the core when I observe how a person can care for another. It amazes me. I don't know how to do that, but I have a feeling that it's a lesson I'm going to have to learn soon. You don't realize how much you care for another person until some occasion arises. I don't know how to express my feelings, so I don't know if the method I treat my valued friends show how much I treasure them. Probably not? And I admit that I'm sensitive to things that I say I'm not, that I don't know how to help others, and that I back out when I know I can't give the person what he/she's needs.

I still find it haunting that the same type of person appeared again in my life. Maybe this time I will make the right move? I know He is being good to me, but I don't know if I have the capability to take this up.

Is this also another lesson for toleration?

I know that I have to widen my views of this world, and cease the internal focus of attention. I know that I have to break free and make a change.

So that's what I'm doing, in efforts to admit to the plan.

Thank you, for placing so many inspirational figures in my life.