Boundaries

There's this imaginary audience that constantly scrutinizes and jeers at me all day, especially when I do something uncharacteristic of me. In my mind, I could see people recoiling in horror and disgust as I gave my opinion. In reality? I don't know, actually. I reckon no one thought much of it, or even remembered it. I regretted the instant when I raised my hand and criticized the way they did it, and probably due to guilt didn't reply much to their rebuttals, or more precisely, explanations. I gave an affable smile, 'okay' sign and surrendered to them. At first it seemed as the appropriate reaction. But it was cowardice, wasn't it? No, I still don't agree with their method. No, the okay sign does not represent my thoughts and stance. So why did I behave that way, almost involuntarily? It has been something that I've been trying to overcome for ages, my tendency to surrender to authority easily. Give in to others without much persuasion. Is the peer pressure acting on me that intense? Afraid of offending people, losing their interest? After that incident I was so worried and took extra precaution to appear subdued, detached and pretend that I forgot it. In an attempt to seem normal. Jeez. where's my stubbornness that prevails when I'm with my family and close friends? The attitude that annoys me the most amazingly disappears when I'm in an unfamiliar surrounding and huge groups of people. Human minds are such a complex thing to understand, I haven't even fully understood myself. Yup. Please be stubborn?