Failed

Fail to live up to my expectations, really. I try to push myself to stop wasting time but to no avail. Never successful. My mind is always too distracted to do anything else. I want a clear and focused mind, please? Stop floating around me, you annoying thoughts and dramas. Leave me alone in my own quiet corner. Often I have the urge to just scream, scream, scream, scream and scream to release everything out of my heart. Scream and cry, cry, cry, cry and cry. Allow all those frustrations to flow with my salty tears, ever so precious that they will not come out. It will not solve anything though. Everything crashes down again right after that feeling of calm transcends for a second or two. I want to let go, I want to move on. Why is history repeating itself,  I don't know. Am I destined to be that way? How long more will I have to wait? All I can unearth are shortcomings, faults, errors, mistakes thrown in my face. If they had a face, it would be one of an evil smirk. Unbelievable, how can one trip so many times when going through the same path. When are you ever going to learn? Just stop, tidy yourself, do what you have to do, and forget everything else. Everything else. Human emotions can bring destruction. Destruction mentally, then it will go on to wreak havoc physically. If only I were a robot. Malaysian athletes are often criticised for being weak mentally, citing that as the main reason why we cannot progress on that field as others can. I'm the same too. Maybe it's in our genes.

" I don't like triangles, I like circles."
Simple Simon, I envy your life sometimes.
Life according to an equation, a spaceship to hide in when things go awry, when you need to hide for a while. What have we got? Nothing but the crowd, noise, things to do and unspeakable emotions.