If there were a word to describe myself, " contradictory" would be the perfect one. I love changes, I love inconsistency because only with that, can we improve, learn and realise our faults. But I hate changes too, because of the insecurity it brings, the sense of sudden loss and confusion as to where you stand, where you are, what you are suppose to do. AUP is exactly characterized by change, unless you choose to stick with someone throughout the course without pursuing your own interests. To be in a familiar environment with people you know is comforting, and a perfect situation for me to sink in melancholy without fear or concern. That's because I know that even if I don't talk, even if I don't entertain, even if I don't please, there'll still be this few mounds of solid rock to support me from the back, I'm not alone. However, in a strange environment, full of new faces, you're eager to please, desperate to leave a good first impression upon others. Any outward behaviour of moodiness or negativity seems like the worse thing it can do to your reputation, or image. Even if the truth is far from this, this scenario is already programmed into my stereotyped mind. Uncomfortable. How should it be then?
Why is it that in front of some people I lose my confidence and am unable to communicate well?
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" I firmly believe that any man's finest hour is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle, exhasted."
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